Friday, August 14, 2009

Oh No! We Suck Again!


We Are The Geeks Who Get The Swirlees
Well that was fun while it lasted.

The Nats returned from Planet Ecstasy and got right back to business: losing. After a short two-game sweep at the hands of the Braves, the Nats traveled to Cincinnati last night and got a beat-down in the form of a two-hit shutout by Bronson Arroyo (the self-proclaimed juicer).

Collin Balester looked terribly hittable, the offense looked woefully inept and the bullpen was predictably less-than-average (except Mike “The Klej” MacDougal who pitched a perfect ninth inning when absolutely nothing was on the line – why can’t he do that in save situations instead of pitching to induce ulcers?).

The one pitcher the Nationals had that could be considered a potential “front of the rotation” type – Jordan Zimmermann – had Tommy John’s surgery which ended his 2009 campaign as well as shut down any hope for anything in 2010. In fact, if the Nats manage to sign Stephen Strasburg, maybe Jordan Zimmermann will actually be ready to pitch like a #2 when “Stras” is pitching in the majors (probably 2012). Even if Zimmermann can pitch next year, he’ll never be fully recovered to the point of pitching effectively until two years after the surgery and rehab.

We just can’t buy a break and now we’re adding the humiliation of a potential four-game sweep at the hands of the Reds. Garrett Mock? J.D. Martin? At least we’ll have a chance on Sunday with John Lannan.

It’s tough being a Nats fan this year. You feel like the pocket-protector wearing high-school freshman dork who shows up every day and gets a “swirlee” in the boys’ locker room. You go through the year thinking, “this must get pretty old for them, too, so it’ll stop eventually.” Well, that eight-game winning streak was apparently the Spring Break that you receive in April and you return to school and get your “swirlee” again like it never stopped.

It’s getting pretty old for me and it doesn’t appear to be getting old for the seniors.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Wait....We Did WHAT?!?!


I Just Can't Take Any More Of This Winning Stuff!
I’ve been absent lately.

You see I recently checked out of St. Peter’s Hospital here in Albany, NY – I was being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder.

The Nats just reeled off eight straight and I’m really not quite sure how to handle it. Every night this past weekend I awoke at 11:30 p.m. in a sweaty frenzy convinced the national media was out to make me insane because I kept seeing that the Nationals won a baseball game on the scrolling ticker along the bottom of the NYNESNEPSN Sportscenter score alert ticker. I mean, the Nationals even won a game that GARRET MOCK STARTED. I would start screaming uncontrollably – I would try to loosen the straps that held me to the gurney and the nurses would rush in and give me a high-dosage shot of valium to put me back to sleep. The madness has to stop.

After a series of tests, they released me this morning convinced that between the off-day and the upcoming series with the now red-hot Atlanta Braves, I should be okay for the next few days. It could be short lived as the Nats have an upcoming FOUR GAME series with the slumping Reds who dumped talent at the deadline then a three game home series with Colorado who is mediocre on the road and another three-game home series with Milwaukee who can’t seem to get it going. I tell you, I am getting the shakes right now thinking about our lead in the Division Of Suck.

The Nats have made up eight games – IN EIGHT GAMES – against the Pirates and five games in the last ten against Kansas City. Our lead is shrinking faster than the Republican’s hope of filibustering the Obama Health Care Reform Act.

SOMEONE GET ME MY VALIUM!