F**k The Cubs

This Is The Word Of The Lord

Any journalistic integrity I have or may have had at one time in my life is going completely out the window today: I HATE THE CUBS.

And no, this doesn’t stem from Alfonso Soriano signing with the Cubs after his one ill-fated season with the Nationals. I’ve hated them since I was a teenager. I tuned into WGN (the Chicago Superstation) every day to enjoy watching the Cubs lose.

I never found Harry Caray to be charming, I think Ron Santo sounds like an alcoholic who masturbates during Cub radio broadcasts, I don’t feel bad for Ryne Sandberg or Ernie Banks or Cubs fans. I am contented when the Cubs are the Cubs.

You see, I always found it patently unfair that the Cubs had the right to broadcast their games to a national audience (for that matter, I guess that’s also why I hated the Braves so much) – and why did WGN pick the Cubs? THEY SUCKED! At least the White Sox were interesting; but no, they chose the Cubs.

The fans are terrible. They walk around like it’s their right to a championship and they’re rationale is that they’ve “waited long enough.” Really? I don’t think so.

Some things need to be a certainty; like death, taxes, the sun rising in the east, etc. We had the futility trilogy not too long ago: the Red Sox, the White Sox and the Cubs. Well both Sox are off the hook now and we just have to keep this Cubs thing going. It makes for a great story line and it makes me happy.


So what could make me doubly happy? The Nats really have a chance this week to put a hurtin’ on the Cubs’ post-season chances. The Cubs are currently eight games behind St. Louis in the NL Central and 7 ½ games behind the Rockies for the NL Wild Card (with San Francisco, Atlanta and Florida between the Cubs and Rockies). Plus, the Astros and Brewers are both just two games behind Chicago in the standings and both are below .500 . This could be a great week if only we didn’t face Zambrano and Harden in games one and two. Hopefully Mock and Martin can bring their A-games with them as they have their past few starts – each are 2-1 in their last three.

Please Nats. I haven’t really asked for much during this awful season, but can’t we just win 2-out-of-3 here and keep the cycle of Cub losing going? I plan on living until at least 80 years old and I hope the Cubs never win one in my lifetime. I want to die knowing that for 142 straight years, people lived, people died, people were taxed, people watched the sun rise in the east and set in the west every day and the Cubs still never won a World Series.